Monday, June 29, 2009

10% of our brain

I sometimes wonder y i'm soo obsessed with presentation...
and then i did a quick reevaluation of my life
It starts within my own family and the media doesnt make this issue any better

So yesterday was my sister's graduation celebration..she decided to have it at The Cheesecake Factory in Marina Del Rey...we were super pumped 4 the family function lol..but as we sat amongst family friends, cousins, aunts and the 1 and only mamie I started to feel sick to my stomach....OMG my family is SOOO FAKE...ugh...we don't share a genuine love 4 eachother outside the fact tht were family. But what we have learned to do is give off this facade that we are that close by attending events with one another and in a way remaining on our toes competitively because none of us possess a real level of comfort around eachother...

I don't wanna go hard on my grandma cuz its mamie and I accept her extremely shallow ways lol...you gotta love her she keeps it real all day...but then again shes eighty somethin years old shes allowed to and i would never wanna change her...but dang I know her ways have definitely rubbed off on all of us a little. sheeeesh we do not connect emotionally...if u bring a new girlfriend to the family she better be bomb with a cute physique...if u havent seen the fam in over year u better hav dropped some pounds...tell me this jus sounds sad..so imagine if you're tht one in the family tht decided to do somethin a lil out of the norm..u kno like leave the country with ur soulmate 4 a lil, die ur hair and get a few tattoos...

hmm so basically i jus described my cousin...when she walked into the Cheesecake Factory yesterday for my sis's celebration you woulda expected to see some smiles and hugs...somethin...but NOOOOO tht was not the case...what i witnessed was some awkard expressions, fake smiles and lots of whispering....i felt soo bad for her ....ugh so judgemental

kk i went a lil too detailed into this story but bak to my original question....Why am I sooo obsessed with presentation? I think i jus provided the cause of this disease by looking in my own backyard. Minus my immediate fam (mom and sis) kinda sad tht i hav to include my bros into this madness but this is what it is....If i look bomb my life must be bomb...so im constantly thinking about what can make me prettier, more desirable and im putting these boys through hell with my undecisive, neurotic behavior never wanting to settle 4 less...but im judging less by the wrong factors....y because of my obsession with presentation

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